strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
