in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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