Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
