I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
