im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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