Banned from zoo.
Again?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize