the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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