we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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