yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
