Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
