Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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