I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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