people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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