May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize