she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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