Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
