I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
