another moral hangover. fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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