I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
