so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
