i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
