In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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