Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize