my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Send help, water and tortillas.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
