Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize