i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
