I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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