Porn is love you can see.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
