i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
