Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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