I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my shit smells like andre
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were trust falling into bushes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
