I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are we still banned from the library?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
