Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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