someone threw a dead crab at me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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