A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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