There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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