I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
