Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
