You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
