Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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