I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
