I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
