Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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