ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
