you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
