Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
