mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
