ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
