He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize