Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
