if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
