Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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