not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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