Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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