When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need water and some morals
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
