Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
