I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
