i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
