hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
