yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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