You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
