Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
