That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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