Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
