you're like a bully in the Christmas story
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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