I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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